I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
