the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
