i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
