go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
