Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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