omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
