I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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