Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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