loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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