Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize