okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
