VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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