Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize