sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
