why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
