Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
