this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
