Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize