I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
