I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
