Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i already hear my dad disowning me
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
