i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
