I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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