Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
