I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
