VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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