god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
