I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
