you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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