My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
