WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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