i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if i died would you start the facebook group?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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