He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
