people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
