I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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