she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
