Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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