The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
