I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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