and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
