I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
