I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
