Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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