A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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