my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
