I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
