My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
