I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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