You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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