is wine microwaveable?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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