VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
