True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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