I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
