he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize