Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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