I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
