That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
