Small penises have feelings too.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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