At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
