I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
