there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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