my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
