Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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