Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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