Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
