Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
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