I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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