Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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