I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
