so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
