Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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