I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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