okay pat passed out under dana's car
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
