your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize