Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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