i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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