My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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