Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
