you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
