i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
