in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
