giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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