I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
