be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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