you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize