is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
