Those balls look pretty dangerous.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize