Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
