I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
