The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I need to align my fucking chakras
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
