worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
