you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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