Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
