Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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