very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
