You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
