Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
