Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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