so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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