he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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