Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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