you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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