as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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