As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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